Fellows of the Society of Holistic Therapists & Coaches
www.societytherapistscoaches.co.uk
About
Us:
Insured
Professionally
Registered
Qualified
to
real standards
Adhering
to
NOS
Dedicated
to
Ongoing development
Adhering
to
codes of ethics
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in
training provision
Therapists
with Supervision access
First
established 1993
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Welcome
to Scotland's Premier Therapy and Holistic Personal
Development Site
'Therapeutic care
& Personal Development - The solution to your problems is in
you'
 Being
Assertive
To
understand
what being assertive is, you need to consider the alternatives!
1. Being "passive": Here the person is submissive, downtrodden and does
not stand up for themselves. Often this is because they feel "held
down" by someone else.
2. Being "aggressive": Here the person is the one taking control over
others. Often considered a "bully" or dominating over others.
3. Passive aggressive: Here the person is a deliberate "victim" who
uses that victim status or martyrdom to control or manipulate others.
There are numerous variations of this type. One variation is the person
who deliberately appears hopeless and weak so that other people do
things for them.
Assertiveness is the natural "adult" condition where we stand up for
ourselves and our rights, while also treating other people with the
respect we expect for ourselves. We are neither submissive or
dominating of others, and we take responsibility for our needs and
actions, and are therefore not manipulative either.
What can
present a natural assertive state?
Typically
people
"learn" to have the wrong state (passive, aggressive or
passive-aggressive). This happens when:
1. They learn they get a benefit from that state: for example by being
weak and hopeless they learn family members run around after them and
give them attention, thus learning to be passive-aggressive.
2.
They learn
to be a certain way in order to survive, and then get stuck in that
state. For example an abuse victim may have learned to "fight back" in
order to survive, but may then get "stuck" in an aggressive state of
mind.
Therapy
options
Everyone
has a
different story to tell when dealing with these behaviours and states.
It is essential that the therapist has a "toolbox" with different
models, tools and methods that can be applied as needed.
Typically counselling skills related methods work well for addressing
underlying story and causes, Transactional Analysis therapy works well
in analysing and redesigning relationships between people. Cognitive
Behavioural Therapy /Coaching is usually effective at looking at why
the client
perceives people and situations to be a certain way, and choosing new
better outcomes and behaviours.
Motivational Interviewing (MI) methods are useful in passive aggressive
cases where the person has certain disincentives to change. MI helps
the person to find a positive balance towards change and away from old
patterns.
Coaching is then useful in refocusing the person towards opportunities
and the future, teaching self help methods and ensuring a positive
environment.
In the first instance drop us an
email or
use the feedback form to contact us. We can then advise whether we feel
we can appropriately assist you.
To
Contact Therapy Services
Would
you like to train as a
professional therapist and gain an award from a fully accredited
awarding body? Click:
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